Is this a weird thought that I keep having?

Question

I got peer pressured into having sex with 5 boys who were of similar age to me. One of which I had previously had sex with and two of which I had previously had a threesome with.

I met up with the two I'd had a threesome with to do it again but they had brought more people than I was aware of. However I didn't know until I got up from giving one of them a blow job but as soon as I turned around to see all the others I froze for about half an hour and didn't know what to do. I no longer wanted to carry on but then I felt pressured like I had been keeping them waiting for too long so I said yes. I felt so terrible after and have since classed it as rape and I still see it as rape (even though I blame myself)

My actual question is though. Is it normal that from time to time I feel like I'd want to experience that again not being pressured but like having sex with more than one person at a time possibly with the same people considering I haven't done that since, even with different people, and like I also sometimes feel like I should get over it trying to convince myself that it wasn't rape so I could enjoy what happened.

Do you think this also might just be that I either don't class it like that but know it's classed as rape or have I maybe just not properly let what happened sink in?

Answer

I highly suggest that you see a therapist. 
And discuss this with them.
And I must wonder where your parents are? Do they know this? Are you on birth control and using condoms? If not you need to immediately go get tested for pregnancy and STDs.

Answer

Not weird to want to feel that again but unless you audibly told them you didn't want to continue, it can't be a rape. Sorry but that was your choice to give in to peer pressure. You can't hold those guys responsible for reading your mind.

Answer

And guys, it was their intention to pressure her into doing something that she did not consent to. If shed said no, theres a good chance that they would have then physically forced her. Leave her the fuck alone, she said the experience felt like rape to her, shes entitled to that.

Answer

As long as everyone is safe then whatever floats your boat. People like all different things when it comes to the bedroom, so no it isn't weird to want to try it again.

Though I don't think you can classify this as rape. You gave in to the pressure you put on yourself, these lads didn't force you. If you didn't object or try to leave and you did agree then it's not fair to label it rape. It's the kind of label that could ruin these boys lives. I think you need to speak to a councillor or someone in all honesty.

Answer

I think you should get tested. This is my personal opinion and its not meant to make you feel bad but I don't think it's rape unless you say no or you try to leave and they didn't let you. Do you think they would have let you keep them waiting half an hour if they weren't going to give you the option to leave if you didn't want to be part of it? It doesn't sound like they were aggressive about it but I wasn't there. If they were then I think you should seek counseling. If they weren't and you liked it (which is sounds like you did) then maybe you're classifying it as rape because you think it was bad to let 5 dudes have sex with you and feel bad about it, but it's okay to like weird things in the bedroom.

Answer

It's down to you how you're feeling?
How are you? You mention "boys"
Slightly worring

Answer

I think its not rape you just had your mind tell you otherwise so you feel bad and dont want to do it again but your body askes for the thrill and excitement from before its nothing wrong but if you feel like bad after every time maybe you shoukdnt let yourself enjoy that

Answer

It's not weird to have those feelings. It might be helpful to find a counselor to talk through this with. Or you can call a rape hotline. They can really help process this stuff. I'm sorry this happened to you.

Answer

You willingly said yes without them baggering or forcing you or physically making you. You were given a choice so it is not rape, you never said no or asked them to stop or said anything that would signal you didn't want to do it ...it sounds like you are more ashamed of yourself for going through with it trying to be a people pleaser so don't cry rape it's a serious accusation that could ruin someone's life. Be more careful and selective with your sexual encounters

Answer

Just because you didnt enjoy it in that instance doesnt mean you shouldnt enjoy it when you have the choice. People who've been raped can often still enjoy sex a lot, even though a similar, but violent act was used to hurt them. 
If you want to try it, id suggest finding some people that you trust and letting them know how you feel about it, and that you might want to stop at any time, and be sure that theyre okay with that. 
Good luck, & have fun :)

Is this a weird thought that I keep having?

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