Trying to find myself..

Back in July of 2014, my ex boyfriend of one year broke up with me.. I had just gotten out of the hospital after having a seizure due to being over medicated when my doctor prescribed me with a higher dosage of anti depressants after I begin having depressive suicidal thoughts after an extremely traumatic car accident I had two years prior. 3 months after he left me, I ended up talking to another guy.. I thought that he was the one.. But after he dropped me I realized that he wasn't good for me.. It was only 4 months that him & I were talking but being in that "pseudo" relationship, my confidence went down dramatically.. I used to be so outgoing and upbeat.. I used to be soooo positive.. But then I started to become depressed and notice that people didn't want my company around as much.. My "issues" were the only thing that I talked about for about a monthish or so? I didn't want to be that annoying friend that only talked about her problems.. I tried bringing up conversations with my coworkers and friends.. Asking them questions & genuinely showing interest in them.. But after awhile.. I became so quiet.. I figured if I didn't have anything good or positive to say.. (because there isn't really anything going on in my life right now besides work) then I wouldn't say it.. But it's almost as if I've become so awkward & antisocial.. I don't know what to do with myself now.. I want to work on myself and accomplish my goals.. & stay away from relationships since I feel they are only distractions..  But I can't help but feel so unhappy, incomplete, & uncontent with myself.. I know there is so much more to life and that I'm utterly blessed.. But I can't help but feel sad.. I've had friends recently that have been injured in car accidents.. & a friend's mother who died in a tragic accident.. And I find myself always wishing it was me in there place.. 😖😖😖 I know I shouldn't have these thoughts.. Because I've already cheated death once.. I've been trying to keep those thoughts out of my mind.. Trying to keep busy, but I always end up sinking into myself and feeling so devastated at the mistakes I've made in my life.. I know I can't change the past.. And that I can only move forward.. But what else can I do? I help but feel so lost & in such a rut.