Leaving parents' religion?

Question

(I know this probably isn't the right place to talk about it but I've met some of the most reasonable and honest women ever on this app and feel like I need this types of answers)

Have any of you done it? How did they take it? Did you convert to another religion? Or leave religion completely? How religious are your parents?

My family is Muslim (father since birth and mother converted from Christianity after having kids) and they're not very strict, they do pray but don't dress wear scarves. They go by the Book and are very reasonable about pretty much everything so I'm grateful for how I was raised. I was also educated about a lot of other religions because I was surrounded by them in our local Peace Group that we attend as a family so I have a respect for them all.

I thought I was a lesbian from around 10 years old to 15. I'm now 19 and think I'm bi or straight but I'm not sure. For those ages where I thought I was a lesbian I started to drift away from my religion. Now I'm older I've found a pretty big Muslim LGBT+ community exists but I didn't have that when I was a kid. Since that period in my life I've not really considered myself Muslim. If anyone asks I just say agnostic but really I do think there might be a God (whatever form that may take) I can appreciate it in every religion and don't feel the pressure to choose one to practice.

Basically I'm no longer religious and I don't know how to tell my parents. The main things that I'll probably be doing differently to how I was raised are:
Dating (I was raised for dating to be a serious thing of only doing it with the intention of finding a husband)
Maybe dating women
Sex before marriage 
Dressing (I was raised to cover from knees to elbows)
Not praying (they obviously do it five times a day)

For now I can cover it up but I don't want to hide this from my parents forever, they deserve to know and I respect them too much to lie if they ever directly ask.

Most of my behaviour is the same because I really respect the vast majority of values I was taught (stuff like trying to be selfless, giving to the poor, helping out in my community, being kind to everyone even if we don't agree on something, being grateful for everything I have, appreciating everything etc.) so it's not as if I'm full rejecting the religion but I don't know how they'll take it.

My mum will be okay with it (I think) because she's a convert herself but my sister is an atheist (my dad doesn't know) and sometimes she makes snide remarks without knowing that I know buuuuuuuut their relationship hasn't broken down so that's something. I'm completely unsure about my dad though. He surprises me a lot but he's also pretty overractive about tiny things that don't matter a lot of the time so it could go either way: acceptance or total rejection.

Anyone have any experiences with anything similar?

Answer

I left my religion of family origin and do not raise my child to have a prescribed or assumptive belief. We are atheists. It's the best thing I've ever done and haven't regretted it for one minute

Answer

I think you are a smart and sensitive person, just for the way you are expressing yourself. Maybe by fear you are hiding something that is making you suffer a little. So my advice is to open up to at least some of how you feel to your parents, even if their reaction is not the most graceful, remember they are only human beings, with the same emotions you have, IF they feel upset with who you are at this moment, they know you, and they might come to accept you after taking some time to think.  But don't ruled out the possibility that they might just be ok with wathever you have to say. :)

My husband was raised in a very strict irish catholic family. He is not a catholic anymore, and only now at 36 years old he is opening up to his family. They are not very happy about it, but because he waited for so long to tell them who he really is, this ended up affecting the way he relates to them. He is trying to work things out, and it is never to late in my opinion. But the earlier, the healthier your happiness will be.

I

Answer

My friends in same position but her parents aren't converts they were born Muslim and it sounds like your parents are way more liberal than hers, I think they will understand that they converted from a religion that didn't suit them and how happy they felt when they found Islam :) just reiterate that your happy about how you were raised but you need to find your own way ... If you have to hint that one day you might decide to join Islam again - but you need to go on the same journey they did :)

Answer

my sister was adopted and brought up evangelical Christian , she is in the process of converting to Islam and they have disowned her completely ! but she doesn't care she feels that converting to Islam is the right choice for herself and I feel it's best for her too it has calmed her down and made her a better person now she feels at peace with herself , she feels the values and beliefs are for her and she's doing it for herself so she doesn't care what they think about her , if you want to change your religion then it's your choice if don't want a religion at all that is also your choice and your parents if they are good parents they should appcept whatever you path you choose in life whether it be religious or not , my sister is alot happier now than she ever has been and that's all that matters

Answer

My SO was raised christian and converted to Islam in his late 20's. He reads a lot and found Islam to be more consistent. His family were surprised at first but now its hardly an issue. He is still the same person, just with stronger beliefs. 
What my question to u is, are u having issues with what Islam teaches or is it more of the cultural side of things and or hadith's?

Answer

I was never brought up with strict religious views or any religious views for that matter and I am thank ful for it, I've been able to do more, express myself more and do what I want when I want but still have empathy for others, it's very harf too sometimes though let me tell you.

Answer

I'd say just go for it and tell them. The lo her you wait, the worse they'll feel and so will you.

Also, as Muslims we should be covering arms and legs fully, not upto elbows and knees

Answer

Mine are catholic but me and my brother would debate it with them when we were being dragged to chapel. We were just kids but they knew we didn't believe a word of it. 
So they had us answer the door to the Jehovah's witnesses and they'd walk away :) 
They had my son baptised as a baby so that he could go to a good school. He has never set food in a church/chapel and until last month has had no catacism and I'm fine with that.

Answer

Yup! Though I wouldn't recomend it while you live with them. My folks are VERY strict Christians and I was raised the same (my single act of teenage rebellion was holding my boyfriends hand - no joke).

I was staying with them for a few months while I was searching for my own place, and during that time I'd mentioned that I wasn't really in to their beliefs anymore and that I was trying to find my own faith. Well they didn't disown me, but every single day became an onslaught of them throwing their religion in my face. It was borderline harassment.

I moved in with my boyfriend just to get away from them and they toned it down after that. I officially resigned from the church a few months ago, and they've accepted it with heavy hearts - but obviously still hope that some day I'll go back to it.

There's no such thing as a right religion for everyone. Do what you feel is right for you and don't let your parents or your families beliefs get in the way of your religious path.

Answer

I think if you articulate it to them in the kind and sensitive way you did to us, they will be much more open to you "discovering" your own religious path. As you said, you're not really anti-religious as much as you're undecided. I think that is important for them to hear.
And if they accept your atheist sister, I think this will be much easier to accept. Keep the lines of communication open.

Leaving parents' religion?

Let's Glow!

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey