Cutting your parents out of your life semi/permanently? Anyone done this?

Question

I have recently begun feeling, again,  that maybe cutting my parents out of to life permanently is a good decision. There is a lot of weight behind either staying in a relationship full of boundaries with them (like I have been trying to do for the last 5+ years) or leaving. Neither is easy.

I was emotionally/mentally/religiously absurd growing up. I ran away from 19 when I couldn't handle it anymore and have been dealing with the consequences ever since. I made the right decision 100% to leave. I've always struggled to feel loved and wanted by them. It's as though they have a checklist of things they wish me to be and I will never meet that list.

Calling them (I live 2,000+ miles away for the last year) always drains me completely. I try to change the conversation topics and they still find ways to make me feel bad (I.e. My career choice, kids, college, body hair, etc etc etc). It's never ending. I do love them. Thinking about cutting them out hurts. Then I think about the whole list of people I would have to avoid or deal with this about.

I feel miserable either way.

I almost cut them out when I got married. It was one of the most unloving moments of my life from them and I was done. But then they came around and started being better. Now they are back to crossing the boundaries I set up. I am at my wits end.

Answer

My husband completely cut his family out of his/our life. It's hard but you gotta do what you gotta do.

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I'm of the opinion that even when it's family, if someone makes it hard to get along with them, why keep that negative/stressful energy in your life?

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I have recently (almost a year in June), gone no contact with ky malignant narcissist mother and my enabling father. Its been hard. Some family memebers believe the lies she tells (we call them flying monkeys) and try to pry info or spread more lies. A few have stuck with me. I had to cut off ties with every signle person that is still involved with her. She tries to stop by and drop off gifts for my 11 year old (used crap of hers she no longer wants or a toy from the dollar store. I have had to call the polive to get her off my property. Some days I find myself sad, then I realize im mourning what I should have had.... not what I actually had. All in all its been the best decision of my life. My daughter was pretty severly physically and mentally disabled. Now that we arr out of her reach she has gone from not even being able to roll over to sitting on her own and standing for 30 seconds unassisted! Her learning level has gone from kindergarten to 3rd/4th grade in one year! Her meltdowns have gone from all day every day to once a month! I am finally learning what real happiness is. Mothers are not always the saints people make them out to be. Some are evil. Some try to ruin you. Mine did. For me, no contact was the best decision I ever made for my daughter and I.

Answer

I've semi-cut my mother out of my life. She is so condescending and a narcissist. She's exhausting. We just communicate on holidays. I've found that my mood has improved drastically. My SO says I seem to have a more positive outlook on things nowadays. It was a healthy thing to do for me.

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My dad died when I was 5 and my mom went crazy. She stayed crazy (I will be 30 in June) my life is so much less stressful when she's not in my life. It hurts when she tries to come around, but my life is beautiful without her drama. I love her at a distance, but sometimes, even if they're family you need to do what's best for yourself.

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My mom has been cut out of my life for almost 5 years now and it hurt for a long time but my life is so much better without her. I love her but she is just to crazy to be around.

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I grew up with a mother who had severe depression and an alcoholic, abusive father. I ran away from home often and would hope and pray that someone would kidnap me and take me away. When I was 17 my mum got better. It took a few years but I got over the times she had let me down (no food in the house, not gotten out of bed so I missed school, stayed out all night leaving me home alone and scared etc) and now we are really close and more like friends. I haven't seen my dad since I was 18. I don't want him anywhere near my son, and if I'm honest I'm scared of him. You have to do what is best for you. I know a lot of people say you should be loyal to family, but sometimes you just have to cut ties with those who hold you down.

Answer

My SO and I have completely cut his family out of our lives because they are just terrible people who want to control everything. They have talked badly about my family and myself in front of my SO numerous times and they've treated him like crap. After our son was born his mother went psycho, she asked to come to the hospital and he said no because I was sleeping...she came anyways, then they stayed for over an hour while I was trying to sleep. Then she got pissed and turned his whole family against us because we didn't let her come over one day (after she had already seen our son two days in a row). He gave his mom three chances to apologize and everything would be fine, but she didn't and made us out to be the bad guys and then proceeded to threaten to beat me up on Facebook, real mature right? Lol. Needless to say we are SO much happier and stress-free without them in our lives. Do what you have to do, sometimes it's the best decision even though it may be hard. Good luck!

Answer

I have cut mine out. Toxic people, selfish and abusive. Even as a married adult with kids my mother found ways to mentally abuse me.  I cut my father out 14 years ago (mostly that just meant stopped trying to get any communication from him because he was useless),  mom I cut out several times over the years but would feel sorry for her and try again only to be met with the reality that she will never change. So 6 years ago I told her it was over again for good. I'm a better woman, wife, human  and most of all MOTHER with her out of my life. 
As far so recognizing she will die one day and regrets I may feel? I mourned the death of my mother when I was a young woman because I knew I didn't have one. I  I had a woman who gave birth to me that abused me everyday physically, emotionally, and ( by proxy) serially, and continued to emotionally and verbally abused me well into my adult life. I mourned the loss of a mother many years ago.

Answer

Dang it. I meant abused not absurd. I need to proofread better lol

Cutting your parents out of your life semi/permanently? Anyone done this?

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