How old did you have your first relationship?

'Relationship' including the now-not-classed-as-dating ones you may have had as a kid?

At 19 I feel like I stand out as someone who has never kissed anyone, never dated anyone and just never experienced anything related to that. My parents are against dating without the intention of marriage so I wasn't allowed to at school and I guess I also developed late cause I genuinely didn't have my first crush until 18 (not counting fictional characters 😉) and even though I've flirted a little, had 3 guys openly show interest (I always looked older than my age and I was around 17 so nothing happened) and around 6 others possibly (just not so obviously) I've just never had any dates or anything.

It wasn't bothering me much until I realised that I can't really risk dating until my health is better. I'm taking a year out to focus on recovering from a long term illness and anything emotionally draining (assuming the worst case scenario being a break up) makes me physically sick and I know it's not sensible to risk it. By the time I'm back at college and around potential guys to date, assuming all goes to plan; I'll be 21. I know that's still young but it's just making me more nervous about it all because most guys will have plenty of experience by then so I feel like screwing up and learning how to date and all that would be more embarrassing 😞 I'm seeing all my old school friends in serious relationships and I just feel like I'm behind on something major because I was always quite mature for my age and this feels like the only part of my personal development that I'm seriously lagging in and it makes me insecure 😟

Not only that but I'm far too self conscious for anything anyway cause the idea of anyone touching me in any way scares the hell out of me. I'm working on myself but it took years to make me hate myself this much so I have no doubt it will take years to have enough confidence for dating and all that jazz.

I'm not sure exactly what I want out of this but I think I just want some comparison because all I hear about are relationships but I'm sure I'm not the only girl out there like this?!