Help im so sad 😢

I'm 9dpo and bfn on the test 😢 should I couldn't myself out?? I'm still having a lot of watery cm and now it has noticeable white in it but still watery. Idk its very conflicting and it only tool me a month to conceive my first now I'm wondering if we will ever have a baby together we have been trying since April this is the first month I did cervix check and cm checks I'm very down right now