Is it bad? (Really long sorry but need advice)

The first month of me and my so being together we had sex, it was my first time and we didn't use condoms. Everything was fine until my period didn't come that month, I was really scared because my periods were always regular but I thought maybe sex for the first time messed up my cycles. So I waited another month and still no period. I went to the doctors and they gave me a pregnancy test that showed up negative but they said I could still be pregnant but not producing enough hcg to show up on the test yet. Well hearing that and not having a period for 2 months made me think I was actually pregnant. Although me and my so we're scared out of our minds about having a kid this early in a relationship we got used to the idea, started thinking about if it was a boy or a girl... I was hesitant at first but I honestly became so happy and excited about this "possible baby" (pb for short). I wouldn't go a day without smiling or think of everything we had to do to get ready for pb, which was rare for me because I've been stuggiling with depression for about 10 years and even went off my medication when I found out (so it wouldn't hurt the baby) and I was the happiest I've ever been. Another 2 weeks go by and I get my period. It freaks my out majorly and I'm devestated that I started. My so seems not to take it so hard and he says maybe it was for the best. 3 months without my period... With thinking I was pregnant and then all of a sudden starting my period was just all too confusing for me and I couldn't really deal with anything. It's been almost a year since that has happened and me and my so are still together and happy... But every month I get my hopes up, I get so excited to take a test just to see if I am pregnant ( even though I know there's no possible chance because we use protection now). I don't tell my so about taking pregnancy test, but I get really deppressed every month when my period comes and I'm reminded of our "possible baby". Is it bad or wrong that I do this?