I don't know what to do?

so I've been on and off with this guy for over a year now, he was awful to me but he was my first love and I lost my virginity to him. we break up all the time but somehow we still end up back into eachothers lives, we sneak around and never really get back together. but recently, I started dating this new guy that I met a while ago, things with him have never gone right because I had so many problems with my first love. I've been together with my boyfriend for about a week now, but I still sneak around with my ex. I know I'm an awful person, but I just don't know how to tell my boyfriend about what I've done and I don't know how to tell him I feel because I've never shown him how great I can be. he just likes me way more than I like him and I am just not comfortable so i just don't know what to do. my ex and I don't have a promising future so I don't want to leave my boyfriend for him but then again I just don't know what to do and I'm so upset