Devastated

I just lost my baby last week at 15weeks. I have had 3 miscarriages one in 05 and one in November 2014 and then this one. My question how many have had a successful pregnancy following that many losses. In borderline lupus and I don't go back to see my Dr for two weeks. I just dont know what to do. I feel like I'm being punished by God in some way. I feel alone and defeated. My first two losses were early ones but this one has broke me and I don't know if I ever want to try again. In 37 and hubby is 31. I have one living child who is 17. I just dont know my emtions are everywhere I'm in a dark place and just feel like if someone hasn't gone thru this they truly don't understand what I'm feeling