I'm only 3.5weeks postpartum so I'm not thinking about getting pregnant ANY time soon. But I just need to know if anyone else has gone through feelings like this and if they ended up having more kids or not. {and, sorry, it's kinda long🙈}

I had a very complicated labor process. My baby--who I had been told for 41weeks was perfectly healthy--ended up in NICU. When I got to the hospital and they broke my water, we discovered she had already pooped. So right from the start we knew she would need a little extra attention to make sure she hadn't inhaled anything. Farther along into my labor they discovered that we had an infection--that only affects 2% of women and could've very well killed us both. So my sweet baby ended up in NICU, hooked to an IV, and it took FOUR DAYS for anyone to give us any solid information.

And it's one of those infections that really could've been caused by anything. So 3.5weeks PP and I still find myself crying because I feel like I did something wrong and that my sweet girl could very well have not made it.

For whatever reason, someone said something about us having more kids and I realized that I don't want to give birth again. I have always wanted 3 kids and I never thought I wouldn't want to carry my own babies. But now I'm just so terrified that I'll hurt another baby. And my poor fiancé tries to understand what I'm going through but there's just really no way he can, ya know.

So I'm just wondering if anyone else has gone through these emotions and how they coped.

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