Grief steals my joy
I've suffered 2 miscarriages, neither pregnancy lasted longer than 7 weeks. Although early losses, I felt so bonded to those pregnancies (especially my second) and felt tremendous grief after my 2nd loss. I got depressed and quit ovulating for a while. I got sick and quit working out. After several months, I fought my way out of the slump and got pregnant again. I knew my anxiety would outweigh my joy for a while. But now, at 17 weeks, I still feel like my anxiety outweighs my joy. I've started to feel some fetal movement and I let myself get excited for a moment - then, I think about those little lives that I never felt flutter inside and my heart breaks again. It's like every time something good happens with this pregnancy, my grief settles in and ruins everything. I want to be excited. I want to bond with this baby. I want to share my happy news with friends - maybe even publicly online. Have you struggled in this way? What has helped you along? I feel foolish, too, as my losses were early - maybe I'm not even supposed to be this sad. I'm just struggling.
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