Grief steals my joy

I've suffered 2 miscarriages, neither pregnancy lasted longer than 7 weeks.  Although early losses, I felt so bonded to those pregnancies (especially my second) and felt tremendous grief after my 2nd loss.  I got depressed and quit ovulating for a while.  I got sick and quit working out.  After several months, I fought my way out of the slump and got pregnant again.  I knew my anxiety would outweigh my joy for a while.  But now, at 17 weeks, I still feel like my anxiety outweighs my joy.  I've started to feel some fetal movement and I let myself get excited for a moment - then, I think about those little lives that I never felt flutter inside and my heart breaks again.  It's like every time something good happens with this pregnancy, my grief settles in and ruins everything.  I want to be excited.  I want to bond with this baby.  I want to share my happy news with friends - maybe even publicly online.  Have you struggled in this way?  What has helped you along?  I feel foolish, too, as my losses were early - maybe I'm not even supposed to be this sad.  I'm just struggling.