I'm consumed...

I found out yesterday that the little love inside me is dead. At last week's 8 week ultrasound they couldn't find a heartbeat and said baby looked to be around six weeks along. At the follow up ultrasound to see if there was growth, there was no change. I can't stop think about it. I think it's harder because I still have the baby in me with no signs of miscarriage. I'm devastated and don't want to face this, big I cannot think of anything else. I now have to make a decision on how to proceed to fully miscarry my heart. This is awful and I don't wish this on anyone. This was our first so that also makes it awful. I'm just writing it out as I've been up since 3:30 and it's now 5am. I know I will heal and I have faith in having a healthy baby in the future, I just need to let it out. Thanks for listening.