Special circumstances.. How long do I wait?

Question

I'm 9w3d with baby #1. I was really excited about sharing with my husbands family, but unfortunately they have suffered an incredible loss and I feel like I'm not going to be able to deliver the news in an appropriate way. My husbands cousin lost a baby boy at 37 weeks two weeks ago, and I just want to be considerate of everyone's feelings. I was thinking about holding off until 15-20 weeks to give them time to mourn... But even that seems soon. Any suggestions?

Answer

I think that is very thoughtful. Maybe talk to the person who lost their child in private first before making a big announcement. They may appreciate the gesture. BTW Congratulations!!!

Answer

I agree to wait the 15 weeks to give the family a little time, but really just gauge it say to say. You may be able to sooner. Sometimes good news like a new baby can help the mourning process. You're so sweet, but also make sure you enjoy your moment as well.

Answer

I would talk to the one who lost the baby first & tell her then go for the big announcement after. I've been through a similar scenario & it's the best course of action. My brother & his wife found out they were pregnant & lost the baby within the first month due to their blood rejecting & I found out within a few weeks that I was pregnant his wife was still mourning but I went to her to tell her first before announcing it to the rest of the family. If you wait too long they might find out for themselves & be even more upset that you kept the secret.

Answer

You guys are really great! I appreciate all the love. Just some additional details: we live halfway across the country and I barely know his cousin. Meeting with them first means Skype at best. It's tough. I am trying to not let it get me down, but the whole family is devastated and I just want to do the right thing.

Answer

First of all congratulations. That is a very difficult situation. I feel as if the 15 weeks would be good. It is your news and you are excited and want to share. I feel life if you wait longer you feel like you have something to hide and that could make things harder. I couldn't imagine however they are going to find out sooner or later and it would be better if you told them rather than people asking you.

Answer

I agree that sometimes good news can help take some of the sad away, but you definitely need to be careful.  Is it possible to talk to the cousin first?  I'm not super close with my cousins so it wouldn't work for me, but I feel like the rest of the family would want to share your happy news and that shouldn't be taken away from you because someone else in the family is having a really crap time.  Not sure if that made sense

Answer

I think 15-20 is appropriate. I would just brace yourself for potential lack of enthusiasm and or awkwardness. Not to be pessimistic but for you to also prepare to be happy and celebrate the baby regardless of their responses to the news. My mom works with a woman whose grand son aspirated and died in the night at 6 months old, about 4 months ago and she cries when would see my stomach when I was at work still. Or she'd avoid me all together. I felt terrible for her situation, she endured are horrific loss that I don't wish on anyone in the world- BUT I will not tip toe around her or whisper about my baby when she's around when I go back to work. I have a right to be happy and celebrate and there's only so much down playing you can do. Pamper yourself and be happy and when you share the news just be happy and proud regardless. It's good you're a compassionate person and taking their feelings into account. Not many people do that anymore!

Special circumstances.. How long do I wait?

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