My SO and I have been ttc for a year now. When we first decided we wanted a to start a family, it was with the attitude "it'll happen when it's suppose to" but I became obsessed with making it happen. Over the past few months I've become really depressed thinking we may never have "our" child. (We both have a daughter from our 1st marriages) He always reassures me it will happen and it doesn't seem to bother him that it hasn't yet.

But... he came home from work to have lunch with me and my daughter today and while eating he started talking about looking for a "better" job. When I asked why he just told me it would be better financially. We live comfortably on our income and will still with the added expense of a baby. Later he sent me a text telling me he'd had a dream last night and it had felt very real. He said in his dream we had 5 children. Our 2 from our previous marriages and 3 of ours. He said this was the reason he feels he needs a higher paying job. He believes it was a sign of our future and wanted me to know it is gonna happen. I cried when I read it. He has so much faith it will happen, to the point he is stressing out over an unrealistic dream (we will NOT be having 3 children because my sanity can not handle it!) But at the same time, I have lost that hope and have almost zero I desire to try this month. My fertile window starts Wednesday and need a change of heart. I'm not sure I can take seeing another negative pregnancy test.

Any advice?