So my hubby and I are in a Polyamorous/Open marriage. When we first started, I wasnt really looking for someone long term, I was holding out for my ex husband. SO I started messing around with a friend instead because I figured we could have some awesome, fun, and uncomplicated times. Simple, right?

Wrong. We messed around, no sex, and then had a HUGE fight over a stupid miscommunication where we didnt see each other for months. Once we finally got over it, we had some of the most amazing sex a couple times before I realize that I have feelings for him. I love him and cant help it at all. But he got a girlfriend, so I planned to keep that to myself (which I didnt I told him how I feel because he asked me straight up and I couldnt lie) and just fade away back into being a friend (which I did). No problems, no more messing around.

Then lately hes been making excuses to hang out with me. When we are alone hes flirting with me, touching and kissing me, sending me naughty texts and he DID finally tell me like a week ago that he loves me too, he just doesnt want to hurt her. I understood and vowed to myself to never give in to my desires no matter how strong they are.

Until the other night. It got extremely heated between us and I ended up giving him a blow job. I feel really bad but at the same time I dont because the negative impact that could come from it wont affect my relationship. I also dont feel guilty because in my mind I believe we will find a way to be together if its meant to.

Actually the only thing I feel bad about is the guilt he has. Does that make me a bad person?

(And before you ask even though this sounds like a teenage problem we arent teens he is 24 and im 27)