Goodbye Tracker

Dear GLOW,
Every month for the past 7 months I have tracked every detail that goes on. My mood, the hours of sleep, the amount of discharge I have, to how heavy or light I've menstruated. Every month I get the same two alerts; my fertile window and the time my menstrual cycle begins. And every month I am hopeful that the cycle doesn't begin AGAIN that this is the month we get lucky. As days go by and I get closer to starting my period I get more and more anxious to take a pregnancy test in hopes of getting two lines. 
I know I'm not the only one in this situation and I know many other women have been trying for longer periods of time. But it's difficult to be patient, especially when you're tracking everything. And you think your doing everything your suppose to be doing. Then you ask yourself "I did everything right, why isn't this working?" And you think "is something wrong with me? Or is something wrong wrong with my husband?".
Before you, I carried tampons in my purse everyday and when I got my period I was prepared. Now, I leave them stuffed in a drawer at home because I get an alert 2 days before and I think "this could be the month". But it never is and I always end up asking co workers for one. Before you I didn't have to plan sex on specific days, when it happened it happened. I wasn't thinking of babies as my husband made love to me. Now that's all I ever think about, even on days when my chance is only 3%.
I can't stand my disappointments when I think I'm doing things right. Today I take out my paper calendar and mark July 18 as the first day of my period. From now on, If it happens it happens. If it doesn't that's fine too, but at least my months have one less thing to worry about, tracking.  
Making love with your husband should not be to have babies, it's to bond and connect. I started my period this morning , 2 days late, so please excuse my burst of feelings I'm just hormonal.
And so I have decided today I say my goodbyes to you wonderful, yet painful tracker GLOW. Thank you for your encouraging words every month and all the support from each every woman on here. I know a paper calendar won't have any of these perks but it I won't have anything to track other than one red dot each month. 
 
 

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