He just leave after a year and half ..

I been in a "relationship " with a Arab guy for a year I have 3 kids not of him and at the beginning we use to have fun cuz we go out only me and him then when I moved I had to take my kiddos or not going ...he told me from the beginning he don't want to get married or have any kids and he just want a girl to have fun and spent time with I know all this is my fault cuz I accepted from the beginning I was alone for 7 months I just wanna feel that feeling again... After a lot of breakdowns  well I have to say he help me a lil he always saying he can't help me more than thatI start to feel not the same cuz always tryin to put me down like I'm dumb or something like that and one of the last times he told me that he don't feel comfortable in this relationship and he don't have to stay only for sex ... 😞he use to said the only good thing in our relation is sex .. He don't like my kids ... Man I'm an idiot I didn't meant to fall in love  with him now the last time we went to ride the he get mad and over nothing and he just take me home and he just turn arround and leave I thoug he was mad  and that it.. But he didn't call me back or txt  and always I was the one who calling him or txt when  we mad cuz I miss him but like this time he just leave me and he knows I feel so down that day cuz I had an accident on my bike in front of his friends in a bike night so I  felt awful and that why he get mad omg now it's been two weeks and I'm dying I swear my hearth hurt me you don't have idea just thinkin he is doing ok and he don't care after almost 2 years? Really? I thoug .. Well thing is I really wants to know how he's doing  call him or something but something inside me is telling me ....you still wanting this in your life? But I'm getting weak.. I feel I can't  but I don't want to have this pain in my heart no more please help say something I need some support .....😞