Would anyone else feel abandoned?
I am 22 and moved out last year with my SO. However, In December of 2014 I made the revelation about my paramilitary figured fathers' sexual abuse. Since then, others have came out.since then, I have been admitted to a psychiatric ward for complex PTSD, depression & anxiety disorder. (Which does not affect relationships). Since then, my mother has turned her back on me (not to mention he beat and raped her also & she has been with the father of my siblings for 19 years). Since then, she doesnt take nothing to do with me and tries to tell me she loves me so much. due to the abuse suffered from my father AND stepfather (mental abuse), i have a co-dependant relationship with my mother. I NEED her. I wake up screaming having nightmares that she has died, or weve both been held hostage in a barn and raped and beaten repeatedly. Its beyond strange. Im suffering every single day and she just takes more steps back away from me, whilst telling my sisters im "psycho" - because i flipped out at her for not being there when i was in hospital. Anyone would lose their shit. I was always there to pick up her pieces, i held in my abuse to spare her feelings because her new partner made her so happy and as a child i witnessed my father attacking her and had to go to bed everynight listening to her screaming. For the past 10 years i have played my role as cinderella, being her slave, being mistreated and taken advantage of because of my vulnerability and sensitive nature. I raised my siblings and taught them A LOT. She is now playing them with puppet strings and wont allow me near them unless she needs her nails done or she cant be bothered enduring them on her own. I love them children like theyre my own. Ok I am experiencing pain, I am suffering. I have always had this pain, but that fact is overlooked, that does not limit my capabilities. I have worked in 3 nurseries, a primary school and studied alevels child development and education. This is all a big game to her as her partner is egging her on.
A few months back she booked a holiday for her, her partner and the 3 kids, she doesnt want me there. This will be the first holiday the two young ones will have ever been on, they will be getting family portraits and im not welcome. I feel incredibly hurt and outcasted I just dont know what to do my lifes a mess. I guess im just looking for an outsiders opinion, would you feel the same way? 😭