So, last night I was laying in bed and my past came flooding in. All of it. When I was 3-5 years old I was molested and raped by my drunk "dad" and my mom was working 3 jobs to support us so just didn't know or maybe she didn't care. My "dad" would also beat me for little things. When I was 3 I woke him up from his nap and he beat me with a bat until I was black and blue and laying on the floor. My mom found me on the floor next to the door when she came in from work. I was black and blue all over and my nose was pouring blood. Did she take me to the hospital? No. Did she leave him? Not for another 2 years. When she finally left him when I was 5, I told her about the molestation and rape and she told me I was making it up and not to talk about it again. Fast forward to when I was 9 and she met my step dad. She met him and 2 weeks later we moved in with him. I was terrified of him. I didn't know him and couldn't trust for obvious reasons so we butted heads. My mom cared more about being with her new man than getting me help. So then I went to a new school. I was fat and made fun of. My freshman year I lost 80 pounds and felt good about myself but was seeking love in all the wrong places. I met my now ex husband that year. My mom let me start spending the night with my 18 year old boyfriend at 14 years old. When I got pregnant at 16 she acted shocked. I hated her for not caring enough about me to tell me I couldn't spend the night with him and for not ever checking on me and then she had the nerve to yell at me and blame me for getting pregnant! After my daughter was born my guy's student  visa expired because he could no longer afford college and he got an order for deportation. I wanted to marry him and petition but my mom wouldn't give her blessing and I just wanted to have my mom on my side for once. Long story short; she ended up choking me out and breaking my nose so I left and married him anyway. He and I didn't get along and we got into so many fights! I was young and screwed up so I went back to my mom. I divorced him and he started his deportation journey. It was long and drawn out. I was horribly depressed and my mom offered to keep my daughter and let me get away and live on campus at a local university...more like she practically forced it on me. So I went. I stopped caring about myself and started drinking heavily. It was during that time that I went from just one sexual partner to 10 in just 4 months time. I was also raped at a frat house and couldn't do anything about it because I couldn't identify the guy due to heavy intoxication. I reached my breaking point when one night I got drunk and high (first time ever and only time) and slept with a guy that I had just met in front of a good friend. I woke up the next day hungover, hating myself and went to my public speaking class and had a total breakdown. My professor was my guardian angel that day. He took me to his office, gave me a Gatorade and some crackers and told me to wait for him. When class ended he came back, took me to a coffee shop and let me pour my soul out. His advice? "Go home to your baby, be the best mommy you can be and prove everyone wrong" and so I did. That night I had my grandma help me move back home. I was charged a huge school fee for cutting out mid semester and had to pay it before I could go back. So I spent a month reconnecting with my daughter and then found a job at a daycare. I worked overtime every week until I paid my school off and re enrolled at the university that fall. I worked full time, went to school full time and on the weekends I spent every moment with my daughter. I also went to therapy and got on depression and anxiety meds. I found a support group as well. 3 years later I graduated with a bachelors of science. That was also when I met my current husband. My road to healing and recovery was long and scary but I now have a house, two cars, a degree, and most importantly another child and another on the way. My husband makes me feel safe and secure and I truly feel healed. Thanks for reading my story. I don't know what the point was really...just wanted to get it off my chest.