No mom, grandma...

Ok well I was hoping it wouldn't get this bad but it has. I miss my mom like crazy. She kicked me out when I was 12 so I've had abandonment issues since childhood. At age 30 she abandoned me again, this time I have children and they are effected by her absence as well. My kids are 8 and 10 and if she ran into them on the street, they wouldn't recognize each other; she hasn't seen them in five years. Now that I'm pregnant again I'm really missing her, even though I know we deserve better. I've been in therapy my whole life; it's never helped. What I'm looking for/wondering is if anyone has dealt with this and if they have any advice. Thank you.