There is no trust in our marriage.

I fucked up first, but I woman up and told you all about it. There was never sex involve, but I know sentimental cheating is much worse than physically. At the time me and you were not in a good place, there is no excuse but I wanted affection you couldnt give me. That night I confessed, you forgaved me.. or so I thought.

That was in 09. From 09 to this year, its been you, the one cheating. No random female will be knocking at my sis house looking for you, you told her i was your sister. Then there was that time where a female would call ME & harrass me saying she prego with your twins. You said it isnt true. Why would someone even waste their time calling me every day for a month if it wasnt true? Not to mention she knew my in laws were coming for xmas before I knew. Lets talk about the recent ones, such as getting a private call every damn day for MONTHS leaving you voicemails of love songs. Or how about that one female who everytime I would answer, she would hang up. You said you didnt know who she was. Yet when I checked the history, its clearly both of you have been in contact back and forth. Yet you denied knowing her.

I blocked soo many numbers of those females who you claim you dont know, then we changed your phone #. But after awhile the calls kept coming in. I'm soo stupid for believing that by blocking them, you wouldnt have in contact with them. If someone wants to cheat, they will find ways to do so.

Now here I am at home 8mths prego with our 6yr daughter while you at work. Are you really at work? Or is that an excuse? See now I cant trust anything you say. Nor I want to check up on you, I dont want to log in to the computer and check your history calls, I dont want to do any of that. I want to be able to trust you!!!

You know I witnessed my mom check on my dad, claiming he was a cheater. I saw her crying in the bathroom floor, unhappy. Saw how she would write every phone # she didnt recognize on this small notebook. It got soo bad that she went to see this baby to see if she looked like my dad. I do not want to go through that. I dont want my daughter to see me doing that. My dad says "you are like your mom, you need help" No, my mom had her reasons to not trust you dad, as I have my reasons not to trust my husband. It wasnt like this, he gave me the reasons, I had the evidence in front me.

Why don't I leave? Because I love him. Because I dont want to break our family apart. Because I still have that hope that things will get better between us. Because maybe I'm stupid, because maybe Im scared to be alone. & as long as Im still with him. Things wont change...