Quiet, pain free, 'gentle' birth...? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

I'm sorry but if ONE more person tries to force-feed me a load of bollocks about how the pain is all in your head and you can 'turn the pain off' if you just relax and want it bad enough I think I'm going to punch them in the face. Funnily enough it's often men that tell me this shit. 
How about you push an orange through your urethra and I will tell you to 'breathe through it'...? Sound like a good idea? 
Anyone doing hypnobirthing or gentle birthing or whatever: great, good, I hope it helps you and you have a 'gentle birth'. But PLEASE stop trying to force it onto me. Some people make it seem like whether or not you're in pain during labour is simply a choice and if you choose not to feel the pain you won't. To those people I say: up yours.