Anyone else struggle with their cycle?

Katie • Survivor of Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
My daughter Kaydence was born sleeping January 8th, 2015 leaving me a Still Mother or a Childless Mother. I have had 2 chemicals since then, one in May (on my first Mother's Day 😢) and another in July. We are currently not trying/not preventing (well I'm trying but hubby and doctors aren't on board). Anyway, I really thought this was my month. Felt pregnant, had symptoms, kept testing and getting BFNs. Well, AF reared her ugly head today and I've just been absolutely destroyed and defeated since then. Just so depressed. My arms are so empty, I just want a living child so badly. High risk doctor wants me to wait until January - June 2o16 to TTC actively, my regular OBGYN said I could try immediately at my postpartum appointment. I'm just so tired of the everyday struggle, of being hopeful every month, and getting my hopes dashed again and again. Sorry this is so long I just feel so lost and hopeless.