I don't know what to do right now and am seeking advice since this isn't something I want to talk to friends or family about....

First off, my husband has a drinking problem. We agreed to 3 nights a week he can have a few beers but no getting drunk unless he is at a friend's or the bar since I don't want that around our child.

Last night one of his buddies was over watching the game and they were having a couple beers. Totally fine. Well he came upstairs to grab another and I could tell he was drunk so I asked him to stop for the night. He told me no. I tried to grab the beer so I could talk to him more since he was trying to go back downstairs. Well when I tried to grab it he grabbed my wrist very hard and it hurt really bad. I yanked my arm away and told him not to touch me. He went downstairs... after our son fell asleep and his buddy left I tried to talk to him so I could explain how not only did he get drunk, he also hurt me physically and emotionally by grabbing me that hard. He laughed in my face. I told him to go to bed since I obviously can't talk to him since he's not sober... after we both calmed down and he had passed out for a little bit and was more sober I went to our room to talk to him more and we talked it all out and he apologized for everything and cried to me that he didn't mean to hurt me and he didn't think he grabbed me that hard and he is so terribly sorry... I told him that depending on how he acts or what he says to me tomorrow (which is now today) that will determine if I stay somewhere else tonight. We ended up cuddling and he held me while I cried and kissed me and was sweet and kept apologizing and we then had sex.....

Well this morning I woke up with our son and was in the living room with him and the Internet wasn't working right and I don't know how to fix it. So I went to our room to wake up my husband to have him fix it and I walked in to him watching porn and masterbating. We have an agreement where he doesn't watch porn anymore and he can masterbated if he needs to as long as I'm not home since I don't want to see it or have my son accidentally walk in or something and because it makes me feel insecure that he does it so I don't want to know when he does it...

So I started crying and told him that I don't know what to think anymore now after last night and now this. He said he was sorry he hurt me and tried hugging me...

All of this just hurts so bad. Last night broke my heart that he grabbed me like that since never in a million years would I have ever thought he would do that.. and the fact that this morning he chose to jerk off instead of see if I wanted to have sex really hurts. I get it alot of men still masterbate even if they have an active sex life but I feel like he chose that over me and that's why it hurts...

Am I completely wrong in feeling this way? What do I do? I'm so hurt and lost.

Our son is spending the night at my parents tonight, so I plan on talking to him when he gets home from work. But I just don't know what to say anymore. I feel like he doesn't care anymore. And we've only been married 4 months, but this is not the man that I married. He is different, seems distant and doesnt put in any effort anymore and I'm just so hurt and lost and alone...