I found out I was pregnant on February 10 around 3 pm with my first baby, I was so scared sad because I knew my brothers were gonna not talk to me because of being pregnant they were gonna be upset and also because I knew my baby's father wasn't gonna man up he tried but ended up cheating on me with a 15year old minor and got her pregnant when I was four months so I was gonna do this all alone. I was in and out of the hospital for heavy bleeding every other two weeks I would sometimes even have to walk in the middle of the night to take the metro next two citys over to get to the hospital. , On June 19 I went to a specialist because my test results came back positive for spina bifida they checked him he was fine but doctor found a very big pool of blood ontop of the baby's placenta and said it wasnt good but to not worry much and I also found out it was a baby boy 💙 On 3 of July I couldn't sleep all night was having weird cramping I've never had cramping like that I ended up falling asleep till 4 am next day 4th of July I woke up around 1 pm was eating watching a movie and felt wet it was blood again I rushed to the hospital I could barley walk they told me they were gonna transfer me to the delivery room I got scared and confused I was in my room they checked the baby's heart beat and did an ultrasound he was moving and kicking me like if he was telling me to be strong doctor ended up coming in saying I was in labor and that the baby wasn't gonna make it so he had to terminate the pregnancy, I was in horrible pain for 6 hours all I could hear was the fireworks popping outside I was out of it . Around 10 pm my water broke and my contractions got worse the doctor kept checking how dilated I was I only open 4cm the nurse checked me one more time and he said he felt him in my vagina already an hour later I had the urge to push the nurses and doctor opened my legs and told me to start pushing I was so scared I've never been so scared in my life I was holding my sister and telling my other sister I didnt want them to see me have him I was crying I was in pain I pused hard three times and he came out , the nurse asked if I want to see him and I said no I couldn't I didn't want that image in my head for the rest of my life ... I ended up wanting to see him. He was so beautiful he only weight 1 pound and was 8 1/2 inches long he was literally my older brothers twin i even named him after my older brother also, I was happy to just have him in my arms kissing him hugging him touching his soft skin he even had that baby smell. I wasnt thinking of him being dead I held him for two hours and the nurse came in and said we have to take him now I cried and got sad again I ended up cremating my baby amd getting his feet prints tatted on my arm, this pain has not gone away at all I cry and have so much anger never had this much pain in my life ever I wish this would of never happend I would of been having him next month already but things happen for a reason and only my heavenly father Jehovah knows why it happen . #babyCharlie 💙 #imisshimdearly #stillbirthloss #histinyurne #hewasmyonlyhappiness