It should make me sad that when. ..

When your hubs works really weird hours on his "off" weekend you get a lot of down time to just sort of exist, think, & be. You get time to miss him & appreciate what he gives to you & to your family. I don't like missing him, not at all. It should mean it pains me to be away from him, & I should be sad he isn't here. It does break me at times, on the really bad days to be away from him, but most days it makes me appreciate him. Appreciate that I have a lover, a partner, a best friend, a husband, a father to my littles, that is so exceptional that even a day without him makes me feel incomplete. I should break, but I love him most on those days. So when I miss him, I'm thankful. Because the minute he walks through that door after putting his life on the line every shift he takes it reminds me what butterflies feel like. I look at him with renewed eyes & a replinished heart knowing that he is safe, at home, with me. So when that random thing happens in my day, I hope you know, I wish you were there to see it or feel it too, because you have reinvented my life & my heart. You've helped me to understand that there is such a perfect perfection in surrender. The second we say God, I just can't do this anymore and I've been stubborn and I thought I was being strong, but I'm just afraid to let go because life is already a mess...& it happened for me, for us. Then we do it, we did it , we let go. We realize we can't do it alone and it's because God never wanted us too do it alone. That by saying yes to to ourselfves individually, we were saying no to God. Then we say take it, take us, because we're clearly sucking at this go it alone thing. We are ready. Then I imagine God doing the biggest "happy dance" ever. Then it happens, life just falls into place. We are happier, kinder, more gentle, more forgiving, and the blessings just began to unfold. So we thought the blessings were being fulfilled going on 12 years ago. We are just now beginning. I'm thankful for the chaos, and I love you even more because of it. See you on my pillow when I wake up in the morning. I love you.