I'm so upset 😢

Sydney
I've literally been in years bc I just want to go to the doctors & make sure than everything is going well with my gummy bear . I am unable to go yet bc my insurance has yet to kick in for this pregnancy . 
I had the same problem last year & went in for my first ultrasound at 12w . Well com to find out I was pregnant with twins & I had lost both of them 6w & 2w . It wasn't our ideal thought of what our first ultrasound was going to be . We were so excited & everything was just instantly shot down . 
We are absolutely terrified of getting excited & attached this time around bc we are scared of the same outcome . & all I can do is wait bc I can't get into the doctors or even schedule an appt until I have the proper insurance . I'm having a really hard time with all of this & just want to be excited to be blessed with such an amazing miracle but I just feel like I can't until I see my baby & know that everything is okay .
Am I wrong for feeling this way ?Â