Feeling a lil hurt

I took a pregnancy test today and one last night and they both came back notPregnant and my feeling are really hurt because I was truly hoping that I was.. Because I been through two abortion in my life and I just really want that chance to care and love for someone that mine.. My first abortion was because of my mom getting in my head and making me feel really bad and I was grown I was 21 and in college I was never a trouble kid and my second abortion was a life or dead situation.. Ugh I am just so hurt right now