Oh, hello IBS. How very nice of you to visit me this evening. Ah, hell, who am  I kidding? It isn't evening, it's quite literally the middle of the night, and seeing you can hardly be described as nice. However, I can't say I'm surprised. After a particularly stressful week at the end of a stressful work season, and some nice gluten-y donuts I consumed at the office today (you know, before skipping lunch), I all but begged you for a visit! At least this time I caught on after some unusual cramping and gas, and a heck of a hot flash, and took the anti-spaz medicine I just happened to have left on my dresser after last week's timely nightmare of a Halloween visit. I will tell you: don't get too used to seeing me. You see, in the past you may remember me having some luck with something called the FODMAP diet? I don't think my husband wasn't a huge fan, but I was happy, healthy, and nourished so he couldn't really complain. And besides, we did find some super yummy spaghetti noodles out of the deal. The point is: don't take off your shoes and stay awhile, don't get comfy, don't pass go, don't collect $100; you will NOT be hanging around to ruin my life and steal the joy and happiness of seeing my family and friends. I WILL get healthy and I WILL BEAT YOU. Sincerely, Currently Very Comfy on the Toilet and Sad the Bedroom TV is Broken. PS, if you did wind up collecting that $100 before you got this message, feel free to leave it at the door for me. I'd love a frivolous trip to Target or a new bedroom TV.