On October 3rd this year, I came across an email in my SO gmail, let me make it clear I was not snooping I didn't have a reason to that I knew of, I was looking for info on our phone bill. Anyways, I come across an email that had an attachment of a photo from September 15. Open it and it's a photo of a disgusting ass, her asshole opened wide, pussy clear bent over etc absolutely disgusting. He had sent it to himself. My SO was at work at this time, I'm home having a panic attack, freaking out over what I just found. I must've called his phone 30x, sent him the nasty photo asked him wtf it was, where it came from, told him he was caught and could not run away from this. This is the first ever I've found something or he did something like this. He left work and scurried home, within about 20 minutes of me finding it. He comes in and I ask, no not calmly I was pissed. He tells me he didn't do anything never asked for it blah blah a girl we went to high school with years ago "randomly" sent this to him on Facebook messenger. I tell him that no fkn girl in there right mind would do that randomly. He continues to tell me that the day the pic was sent he seen her in a gas station and no convo was had just basically eye contact and boom later that day that is was he received from her. My next question how the fk and why the fk did it end up in your mail box from yourself??! The bastard saved it, why??? No clue, he couldn't remember if he even beat off to it (lie)? Most likely. Because it was opened in his mailbox before i had even seen it. He admitted it was wrong blah blah, starts criying to me. He did give me the girls info and name and I did message her, twice on Facebook. Of course she blames him but once I made my point she blocked everyone me my bf and my best friend lol. Anyways he has repeatedly apologized, because I'll make jokes here and there or he's always hovering over his phone which is complete bullshit and it makes me so angry and I tell him about it. Sometimes his reactions are pure ridiculous like throwing it on he floor like I asked a lot from him by mentioning it. I've come to the conclusion that trusting him again is going to take awhile especially if he isn't helping me trust him again. Some days I am ok and I dont think of it but days like today I'm not and I overthink it and need to tell someone how I feel. No one knows but my best friend and honestly she's no help. I do not want to leave him, he's everything I ever wanted I've always wanted to be with him and now I feel like I'm being back stabbed. I'm faithful, never ever given a reason to not trust me i have never even spoken to another man during our relationship. Can I be a bit hard to handle sometimes, of course u better believe it. But our house is always clean, dinner was always made, bills were always paid and we have the best sex life anyone could ask for never a dull moment. I'm just so confused and scared it will happen again or already has, I have access to his Facebook and email but let's be honest, a man that cheats can usually hide it if they don't want to get caught. Common sense. I could go on and on but leave it here. Sorry ladies. 😏