Looking back

When I was fourteen, I thought I knew everything. I was "dating" (by dating, I mean texting and calling and sneaking around with a MAN that was four years older than I was who had a girlfriend), and at just fourteen he told me to go outside my house and get in his car. By no means was this against my will, but I did get in. We went to his mothers house, where he lived at the time. We were just talking and hanging out, and we had sex later that night. I lost my virginity to him. Looking back, I can't imagine a little fourteen year old me doing that. I see my baby cousin, who is now fourteen himself, and cannot imagine someone his age doing that. I find the guy now repulsive for taking advantage of a fourteen year old when he was eighteen or nineteen. He acted like he loved me. Ladies, please. If there is a guy that is about this same description in your life, please understand this: he doesn't love you. He just wants to take advantage of your innocence and your virginity. When he picked me up another time, I told him I didn't want to see him anymore. Afterward, he asked me if we could have sex "one last time". And now, remembering that, I am sick to my stomach. I wish I had never fallen for his lies, disgusting wants, and had protected myself more. I have been with more guys now, and am 20 years old. I am getting married next year, and nothing burns my heart more than the fact that I wish he could be my first, instead of that loser. Protect yourself.