Dear people of...

Rayyy • Due end of April!
Dearest people of Craiglist. 
(This is for the odd jobs category) 
I am a young extremely attractive professional living in Las Vegas. Newly married, I have fallen pregnant. 
Originally, from Chicago. I am biding my time here in Las Vegas for another year because, let's face it, the economy in Illinois sucks due to its lack of legal prostitution and absence of real casinos. 
Back to the real issue. 
Due to the condition of pregnancy I am now finding several things becoming more and more difficult as I progress through my 2nd trimester. 
One of these in particular is having to shave my legs. 
Being extremely blessed, I have never REALLY had to "shave". I've had fine baby hairs on my legs that I would merely run a razor over maybe twice a month. Once a month was really only necessary, but I often did twice for good measure. As you can see, I have never really perfected the art of hair removal due to the lack of necessity. 
You can imagine my distain when pregnancy hormones reared their ugly heads as dark chew baca like hair sprouted all over my body.  One can only fight so long. This has been an issue since month one of my pregnancy. However, with a growing belly (that now kicks when I bend over) I am starting to lose my battle. 
Being so far from home. I have a limited number of resources here. My mother among my close friends who have "seen it all" are thousands of miles away. I am left here with only coworkers and acquaintances who might bid me strange if I asked for help taming my gorilla legs. 
Craigslist has always helped me get what I need in times of emergency (a used toaster, a smelly old couch, a dresser that gives you splinters on the regular due to its lack of knobs). So I thought I might ask for some assistance here. I have faith. 
The payment I have to offer? 
I have some unopened boxes of feminine hygiene products that I haven't needed nor will need for quite some time. You can have them. I also have a 1/2 empty bottle of Baileys Irish cream that someone needs to drink before it expires. The biggest payment?? I will let you rub "the belly". Strangers of all races and various walks of life seem to insist on rubbing the "belly". Not sure why, but you are free to have a go at it. Serious inquires only. 
Please put "hairy legs" in the subject line of your email so  I know you are a real person. 
Ps. This is a JOKE!