In denial still ..
I just can't believe it's just a few days away. I mean really, it took me 10 years to get to this point and it just doesn't seem real at all. Am I in denial? Delusional? Blinded by years of heartbreak?
I feel him moving. I have seen him in the ultrasounds. I hear his tiny little heart beating, I have seen that as well. However, here I am still not knowing this is real, this little human inside of me is mine, I helped create him. I longed for him for so long that I can't wrap my mind around the fact he WILL be here any day.
To go from "You are never going to have biological children" - to dying for just a "you might be able to after this" - to this little boy beating the odds and hanging on - is simply indescribable. I can not put into words how I feel, how the last 9 months have felt or how any emotion will feel once he is here.
I can describe the emotions previously to finding out I was pregnant, but to describe them now will never do them justice, nor are there words to even begin to explain these last few months.
Love will never be a strong enough word to express my true feelings for this baby boy; however there is no other word to explain it. I can't imagine a greater emotion or feeling, but I have that for this little boy. He some how before making his debut into this world has stolen every fiber of my being and ran with it.
He is my heart, my soul, my moon, my stars, my sunshine. I risked my life to create him, now I will risk my life to bring him into this world and protect him with all that I am.
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