Depression

I was excited about TTC now I feel that it is just becoming one of those things that I do not care about anymore, like everything else. My doctor put me on a new medication yesterday, which i wanted to believe would help me overnight, but that was not the case. I feel worse than before. Of course he did say to wait two weeks for regulation of everything in my body. Im tired. Naturally I am concerned about how all of this will cause issues with where I am at now. I live with disordered eating. I spend my time between stuffing my face and making myself vomit to spending weeks with well under 200-500 calories. It just depends on my mood. Would pregnancy and motherhood just take me overboard? Ive denied myself the right to be a mom on the account of me being nuts. Im 33 and i keep denying myself the right that i have, deserve and would value. Maybe i could foster. When i have to go into inpatient, i could send them back. How unstable is thar?! I am really struggling right now, with all kinds of things running thru my mind. :/