Such a shame.

I grew up with my grandmother. My dad's a drunk and my moms trash.

I have always been so careful as to who I allow in my life. I was with my high school sweetheart for 7 years. Wanted to marry and have a family with him, but I'm so happy I didn't. We brought out the worst in each other and we were physically and emotionally abusive. And I refused to bring a child into that situation.

Been with my current man for over two years. He has two kids with his ex. I love and adore them as my own, but I wanted one to call my own. So I'm about 7 months now. For the most part things are good but when they are bad I feel so down. My guys one of those silent types. He's never laid a hand on me. But silent kills my heart. He's ignored me most of today and why?? I don't know. I've asked him what's wrong.. "nothing". Yet continues to ignore me, like I'm not even here. Doesn't look at me. Doesn't say a word. What am I suppose to think when he treats me this way? I cater to this man and his kids. I cook. I clean. I bake. I'm faithful. I'm dedicated. I'm a good woman. I do everything a good woman should do..

So why he pulls this shit on me -what seems weekly- is beyond me. And it's starting to make me hate him.

I am 24 years old. He's 35. I don't regret this baby boy. But I regret thinking that I was in such a great place and relationship. I'm upset and cry more than I'm happy and laughing. And I will NOT stay in a relationship like this, because I will not allow my son to think that THIS is how men treat woman.

I wanted to be married before having a baby. But that's not the case right now.

Makes me wonder if something is wrong with me. With one guy for 7 years. No engagement, no nothing. I don't understand. And yes I know marriage doesn't make things better etc. But I see all over the place of people getting married or engaged and looking so happy.

Maybe it's me. Maybe something is wrong with me.

I wanted to be married have a house and be able to make a nursery for my baby. And all I have for my baby is a crib next to my bed. I wanted so much more for myself and my first child. I feel like the biggest failure. And I'm failing my child before he's even here.

I love this man. But when he does this - acts this way- it hurts on such a level. Because I do not understand why he's doing it. He isn't a talker. I've tried. He ends up making me feel in the wrong for trying to talk. Like how dare I ask, Etc.

My grandma keeps telling me to get out of here. But I have no income right now. I have a car payment and car insurance. And I don't want my baby having a broken family. Too many people have broken families now a days. I'm just hurting tonight and needed to vent.

💖💜💙💚💛