Is this rape?

Around 7 months ago, I was in a relationship for only around 2 weeks! I am a well respected girl. I don't like to think myself as "easy" and I had a boyfriend, that continually pestered me for sex. He would constantly touch me on my chest over or try to go under my clothes when I would tell him no. When we were in the car he would continually put his hand between my legs even if I tried to move away. He kept pushing sex and one day I was at his and he kept nagging and nagging for it. In the end after around 2 hours I just allowed it because I thought it would just shut him up and stop the pestering. He broke up with me the next day? I watched a programme about rape and it's all about consent..my question is was this rape? I allowed it to happen..I'm so ashamed of myself for giving in and allowing it, but I was insecure, and fed up with the nagging.. I've never forgotten that moment and it makes me feel sick thinking about it. I have no one to talk to about it, I'm so ashamed. 
1.9k views • 2 upvotes • 30 comments

COMMENT (30)

SN

Posted at
Well you allowed it so technically it's not rape, but for future issues, don't let ANYONE pressure you into ANYTHING you don't want and if he doesn't respect you in your choices then leave because that's very unhealthy!

Ri

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That's iffy. However, I'd like to point out that grabbing you after you have said no multiple times could be sexual assault.

Ar

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Don't be ashamed everybody makes mistakes you just need to put it behind you and move on. He should not have pressured you into sleeping with him that was very wrong of him... But I don't think you should try and bring rape charges against him you did eventually say yes and unfortunately that makes it so it wasn't rape.

Da

Posted at
Depends on how you "allowed" it. If you said yes, then you were pressured into sex and you simply feel guilty about it. If you simply allowed things to escalate without saying "no" then that's again, giving into pressure. If you said no and then finally gave up and just laid there and he had his way with you, that's rape. At any rate, it honestly sounds like maybe this is more of an issue of you feeling guilty and rejected because you finally gave in and he left you the next day. I'm sorry, that must've made you feel awful but unless you told him no...please don't go ruining a guy's life simply because you did something you're not proud of or he hurt your feelings...

Da

Danii • Nov 21, 2015
involved as it seems that she's more focused on the fact that he left her the next day. It would be pretty sad for a guy to go to jail because a girl got her feelings hurt.

Da

Danii • Nov 21, 2015
Did you read my comment? Lol. I said, if she said no, then it's rape. Legally, that is correct. Im sorry but if you go into a courtroom crying rape and they ask you "did you say no" and you say "no but he pressured me" they will rule in the man's favor and yes, I'm concerned for BOTH parties

Ka

Kate • Nov 21, 2015
She was pressured in to it, that is rape. And you're concerned about her ruining his life??? he has made her life awful, why should he be protected. who knows how many other woman he has pressured and raped?

Sc

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Sex should happen with nothing less than enthusiastic consent. He needs to understand that no means no, it doesn't mean keep pushing until a girl finally says yes. 

Ce

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Definitely not rape. Just because you gave into his continuous nagging doesn't mean he forced you to have sex. It was because you gave permission.

Sa

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The biggest question would be, if he hadn't broken up with you, would you even be asking this question? There is a difference in being pressured into something and finally agreeing and not giving consent at all. While I believe what he was doing could be considered sexual assault, I wouldn't agree with the sex being considered rape because of the fact that you gave him permission. If you really didn't want to, you could have said no and left. I feel sorry that you felt pressured into doing anything but next time, just leave. You need to respect yourself and to have the confidence to not only say no but to leave the situation and realize when you're better than somebody when they won't take no seriously. 

Mo

Moneypenny • Nov 21, 2015
Completely agree

La

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Definitely sexual harrassment. Also sexual assault because he had his hands on you when you said no. The definition is not important. What is important is how this has emotionally affected you. Please call a sexual assault line to talk to someone and find therapy resources. You deserve to heal. So sorry you went through this horrible experience.

Pr

Princess〰〰〰 • Jan 8, 2017
I totally 100% agree with you. You told him no in the car when he was touching you. All the people who say this isn't rape, when you clearly said no, are stupid and you don't need to listen to that. I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I'm sorry that guys can't understand the word 'no'.

Mo

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It's not rape. Sorry for what u went through, it's tough I know but you consented. Maybe you should of stopped hanging out with him if he kept pressuring you and you didn't like it. You knew that was all he kept doing when you guys hung out so maybe if your in this situation next time, make the decision to stick to your guns and leave, have someone pick u up etc. Turn this into a learning experience ......I know exactly what you mean and when I was younger I can relate . It's not rape though....you did consent/ gave in/ etc etc. 

Ar

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You consented.It's not rape