I think the hormones have caught up to me tonight

We chatted abit via fb messenger after and I reached out and let him know that I'm still his friend deep down and here if he needs anything. I just really felt like he needed to know that and I don't know why but it felt God led (gut led i guess for those of you who don't believe?)  and I know he's a lost soul right now. Like I said, complicated sad history, too much to explain but I just know. Instead of receiving it warmly he reminded me that I'm married. (Like no shit of course I know that.) and "why would you want to rekindle that torched flame?" I made it clear I wasn't being romantic and thanked him for respecting my marriage and family. But still got nothing in return other than a "well I'm just going to do me but happy holidays" 

I get it, he doesn't want to be any closer than random run ins. I just wanted to find a category for us is all but I respect his wishes. but the rejection still stings. I'm not trying to be romantic with him. I'm just trying to heal the wounds. My husband knows our story and he knows the way I love that boy, he admits that he doesn't fully understand it but he knows I'm not romantically linked. And yesterday my best friend of 24 years (note I'm 24 lol Been legit best friends since babyhood) that i broke up almost a year ago due to her being WAY out of line (also a complicated story) reached out and wished me a happy birthday but when I responded with a clear reach out back she didn't take it any further. She's done with me it seems and I'm so lonely at this point. I was bullied in highschool and lost all my "friends", i have my husband and my daughter but I am still so alone. It's all catching up to me tonight. Usually I can just swallow it all back down but tonight I can't. I can't stop crying and I feel like everyone has left me so even though I fail to see my transgressions maybe it is all my fault. Maybe I am as awful as the rumors all said I am. 

Sorry for ranting but writing is my best outlet. Thanks for listening.