The wait kills

 So I'm due for AF on the 16th, I'm as usual already peeing in a stick 2 times a day because I'm impatient.  2 years trying and still nothing. I'm praying that this is it my month, my little Christmas miracle. I feel like if I'm this close to AF and still negative it's a bust, but everyone tells me to hold out and wait. Anyone else finding it hard to sit back and pray for the best when all you get is negatives?