I would like to start by saying that I love you so much. You have really shown me true love and support , more than anything I've ever experienced before. You have helped me through my sexual abuse recovery and been so patient with all of my issues. You have been supportive of my dreams and done your best to help them come true. You provide for us while I go to school full time . You work so hard and I am so grateful. You are such a gentleman , you always hold doors open, (even for strangers) , when traveling , you give up your seat on a metro or bus if a woman is standing , you never fail to tell me how beautiful I am and how much you love me. I know that I am the luckiest woman on the planet for having you . Which is why it pains me so, to wish I had another life. I know it is the most irrational desire when I have this life. This lovely man .

You are so grounded , stable, practical, logical, smart , responsible ...the list goes on. But I am a free spirit . As wonderful as those things are, my heart and soul just yearn for freedom and traveling the world . Always meeting new people, experiencing new things , never calling only one place home. And as you know, I am bisexual. I feel as though that part of me is also yearning to be fulfilled. Even if it's just allowing myself to have a girl crush and act on it . Or flirting with a girl , having no guilt or regrets. That, to me, would be equivalent to spreading my wings .. being ME , completely.

I feel as though , right now, I am happy to an extent. At least , I know I should be. I have every reason to be. I know this. But I also know that with me being such a free spirit , I need to be able to be spontaneous and travel and not make life so serious. I need to be able to go to a nude beach and take off my clothes and run around , feeling free, without feeling bad for it , or being told that the men at the beach are just checking me out the whole time . I can't handle that .

I truly feel as though there are two different beings in me. Almost 2 hearts accompanied by 1 soul. One of my hearts is so in love and happy with this life. Being grounded , stable, having a "normal" and predictable life. The other heart is a hippie. Never wanting limits on anything. Free love, open heart , no boundaries on life , an open mindedness , unpredictable and non traditional way of loving and living .

I am so stuck in between these two hearts. I know you deserve someone who without a doubt and second thought , would always choose a life with you and whatever you brought to the mix. And that is good enough , always. You deserve someone who isn't always yearning for more and more , always thinking the grass is greener .

I love you so much, you have truly breathed life into my soul . You have made me so happy on so many levels. You have taught me what it is to truly love myself .

I just can't imagine not being able to fall asleep in your arm before we drift into our dreams and wake , being cradled in your warmth and met with inevitable morning kisses.

As much as my other heart needs fulfillment , I just don't believe I can do what is needed to grant it's desires. I don't think I am physically or mentally capable of leaving you for this other life. I would be so empty. Like a shell.

I honestly don't know how to conclude this , because I am almost battling myself . Almost like I want to have my cake and eat it to.

Well, as much as eating the cake would bring a new and fresh happiness to my soul, I choose to have the cake.

Thank you for being such a spectacular cake .

With a love that i can't even begin to understand ,

Your wife.