Chemical then a miscarriage

On Nov 27 I had a chemical pregnancy just 5 weeks, then to find out new years eve I was pregnant again and now at 7 weeks 4 days I miscarry, I was hoping to catch the sac but just getting a lot of tissue...I don't understand anymore...I've been ttc for 4 years, I've seen plenty of people who don't want kids or abort for no reason but wanting to stay partying and I can't have a baby that I want...and I'm getting pregnant but why won't they stick..I'm sorry I'm just upset, I woke up and felt wet and when I wiped I found lots of tissue... I just want things to be okay , it's just heartbreaking and I feel so upset, I had my first appointment this friday, I have been pregnant many time but never once made it to an ultrasound. ..doesn't feel real..can I say I was pregnant if I never saw my baby..