Mixed feelings on ttc again

I had my first miscarriage January 17. I've stopped bleeding and my fiancé and I had protected sex last night. It was very intimate and I think it helped me feel as close to him as possible which is what I needed. 
I don't want to ttc until after I get my period to have the best dating info. But I think to myself I don't know if I can go through the emotions of, first of all waiting to get my period, then waiting to see if we conceived. I think in reality I just want my baby back and to still be pregnant with a healthy growing baby. I know that's impossible but all of this waiting has me anxious. Anyone else experience this?