Imagining my baby...

It's always been a strange feeling for me, because I've wanted kids for as long as I can remember, but I've never really been able to picture them in my mind. Even though my husband and I have been together 9+ years, and I've known from the beginning that I wanted him to be the father of my children, I just couldn't see them. But yesterday, as I was day dreaming about our vacation to Florida in a few weeks, my mind drifted to next year, when we make our next annual trip down, and I saw him! A perfect, chubby cheeked, happy baby boy. I imagined my husband and I sitting next to each other on the plane, waiting to take off, and in my arms is the perfect little angel I've been hoping for.

I want him so badly. I want him to be a tiny ball of cells, growing and dividing as I type, this very moment, getting ready to implant for a cozy 9 months of growing in my belly. I want to meet him in October, when he finally makes his way to the outside world. And I want to be on that plane next February, holding him, taking him to meet his great grandmother. I want to hold him, and love him as much as I did in that first moment when I finally glimpsed him in my minds eye.

Please, let this be our month. Please.