Pregnancy After Stillbirth

April 2 will be a year since I had my son at 38 weeks. I am 6 weeks pregnant and that's all I've been wanting while grieving. Grieving has been a rough road for me between passing out drunk and self harming, but I got back on my feet somehow. I'm scared for this pregnancy even though physically, baby and I are as healthy as can be. Emotionally and mentally I know something is wrong. I cannot connect to this baby like I did my last. I'm not sure what to do but my thoughts are getting scary and I am crying constantly.