***I know that a lot of people may have opinions about my situation or abortion itself and I respect that. I just hope others will also treat me and other women in similar situations with respect. Thank you and bless you all***

After years of TTC, I am in the middle of divorce and now 6 weeks pregnant from what might be a new relationship. Got pregnant despite birth control (condom ánd morning after pill). He is so touchingly supportive and emotionally involved, but all the circumstances together made us decide that we are not being responsible parents if we choose selfishly to have this baby. I won't get into details about the circumstances, but the biggest things are different countries, financial situation due to both our divorces and my health conditions.

We talked about it for 2 weeks, traveled for hours to each other's country to talk live together multiple times, smiled over possibilities and cried over impossibilities.

Because of my health I have had several checks at my ob-gyn already in the past 2 weeks. Today I saw a beautiful beating heart... It broke mine... The abortion is planned for Thursday and the father will take off from work and travel for a day to support me. It will be done in the hospital.

It feels like loss, although I know I choose this myself. I'd give anything to change the circumstances and keep my beloved little miracle, but we just can't find a way that could make it work and in which we could create a stable situation for this baby. I just wish I could give this pregnancy to one of all those women wanting it so much (I was one of them...).

Is there anyone who has experience with dealing with the emotional consequences of such a decision? I need some support, because I'm afraid that I will just punish myself for ending this pregnancy by not allowing myself to grieve and be sad about it...