Depression is killing me

Hi everyone. I'm Karen & I'm 20 years old. Lately, I've been feeling so depressed that is killing me because I have trauma triggers. I was raped at 15 and no one in my family knows. It was my own decision and I made it through 5 years. I can't sleep sometimes, I cry at random and I keep blaming myself. Why do I keep blaming myself? How do I stop? I feel like it it kills me. Any advice would really help😢 Thanks in advance.