Monday is errand day for me and my son. Every Monday around lunch time like clock work.

As we were leaving to run to town, it didn't occur to me our dog, Dozer, wasn't on the porch to greet us and follow my car down the driveway. I shrugged it off most days because of his adventurous side and loving to walk to our pond.

We made it to the end of our drive and as soon as I turned onto the road there he was, laying there like he was napping. I instantly knew I didn't want my son to see for himself, even if he wouldn't understand what happened to his "cat".

I hoped, with every bone in my body, that he was slightly injured and was just laying there out of pain. As I went to touch him, confirmed were my fears of losing our beloved dog and protector.

I didn't want my son to see me break down so I sat there with my best dog on the side of the road, telling him how sorry I was for this happening to him, praying it went quickly.

Calling my husband in a panic I could hear the sadness in his voice as well but he kept it together alot better than I, pregnancy really has my emotions high!

Thankfully he could call someone who would take our dog to the farm for us so me nor my son had to see him when we came back home. I know the gas station attendant, the bank teller, and the dollar store cashier were all very confused as to why I couldn't keep my composure while shopping. With red puffy eyes, a shaky voice and hurried attitude, I did my business, went to see my MIL to get a little human compassion and made my way back home, begging not to have to see my friend still laying there.

We buried him next to my husbands best dog, Molly, by the hay barn at the farm. The only thing left is his dog house, dog bowl, favorite toy and a cross at his head that we can see every hay season.

I know not all of this emotion is pregnancy, it's 2 days later and I still don't want to look outside at the porch to not see him waiting for us or his bud, Barney the dog, to come play.

I don't expect a lot of sympathy because he was 'just a dog' but to me & my son he was always there, to protect, comfort or play with. We got him right before I found out i was pregnant from a family who couldn't keep him any longer. He wasn't but a year old but he took to us faster than I could have even imagined and no one or nothing got near our porch, me, my son or husband without his say so. He was also very gentle; it's like he knew my son needed time to adjust to his large stance and time to get used to him, he let him be stand-offish and then let him pat him saying "cat" for hours.

This is how I'm coping with this, my son doesn't understand, never will and as much as my husband understands how much I loved him and miss him, he doesn't understand the heightened emotions that comes with pregnancy making it 10x worse. It makes me sad my unborn daughter will never get to meet the dog who protected her without knowing it.

I needed to vent about losing my best friend & I don't see Facebook as a place for that, in my opinion. & this probably won't be in the right category because, well I don't know how to classify it.

RIP Dozer ❤

PS: before anyone has something to say about him being near the road.. we live a half mile or more from the main road & he rarely left the porch or back yard; unless we take a walk to the mailbox, he was never on or near the road without my knowledge; my husband left at 4:30 am for work and he was on the porch waiting; he's an outside dog because we rent this house and are not allowed to have animals inside unfortunately (probably a good thing or I would be classified as an animal horder) and he was very well taken care of by me and my husband, we loved him.