Am I being selfish?

Question

My husbands mom and boyfriend recently moved back after having lived in another state during our four years of marriage and dating. She works at Walmart and he has a job as well. They have been living with his grandparents since December to save up money for a place of their own. She just got her $2,000 back in taxes and they are looking for a place of their own.

We just bought brand new furniture for our guest room and were planning on moving the old bed and dresser into our third bedroom. I've had the bed and dresser since college. He wants to give it to his mom and boyfriend. Okay, no biggie. Then, when I mentioned getting a new comforter set for our room, he said we could get one and give ours to his mom. Mentioned pretty new plates I liked, and he suggested getting a new set and giving our wedding set to his mom.

Am I being selfish by being slightly aggravated over all of this? We are already letting them store their stuff in our storage unit at our house rent free and now he wants to give them all of our old stuff. We also pay for her meals when we eat out. I feel like I'm helping care for a child...except she's in her forties with a full time job. 😬

Answer

I don't think you're being selfish, tell him you'd rather not give your wedding gifts away. Maybe you could put her together a set from the dollar tree and add a few kitchen towels to make it into a housewarming gift.

Answer

Would you feel the same if it were your mom and bf? He just wants to help his mom as much as he can... Personally i think you're wrong. In my culture family takes care of each other when we can. Passing down your used belongings while he suggests to buy new of your own is a way for him to help while not just handing out money to her. Again my opinion.

Answer

Not being selfish or irrational. I go through this with my husband from time to time. I have to explain to him that she is not his responsibility. He didn't make her choose to do certain things in life that make her less fortunate. She also was/is unfitting for a mother and his grandparents and dad/stepmom raised him his whole life with zero help from mom. I constantly ask him how he thinks we can support and start a family if he is trying to support his mom (who by the way has had NO job pretty much ever). Stand your ground. Getting a new comforter doesn't equal give it away. I change the comforter on our bed every time I change sheets! We have 4 comforters! And plates? He wants to give away your wedding set?! I'd be furious! Lay your foot down or it will escalate. I've learned the hard way. I didn't say a thing in the beginning and now when I bring it up it seems like I'm the bad guy. I'm just worried about our future and how long before his mom sees his helping handouts as an invitation to just move right in and expect to be treated like a queen in my own house.

Answer

Its.nice he wants to help out.. but I would be upset about it also and I wouldn't give everything away to them. You've done plenty for them, there's no reason why you guys should give them everything...a few things here and there..only if you're okay with it..But, they are grown, working, adults and can start buying their own things.

Answer

Make a list of everything your mom has ever given you. Starting with life and unconditional love. Move ontoclean diapers and baths. Put a numerical value on those things. Then assume your boyfriend places an equal or higher value on his mom. 
Have you outweighed that value yet?

Answer

If you're planning on getting rid of it, then give it gladly. If you're planning on keeping it for a reason other than not giving it to her, then keep it.  Though I don't get buying new dishes, and keeping the old ones--if the fact that they were a wedding gift means so much to you, why get new ones in the first place?

Answer

Nah girl id be irritated too , my husband is always trying to give everything to his sister. It irritates me because some of it I could sell and we struggle with $$ a lot so it irritates me. He gave her our extra Xbox and that pissed me off cause she doesn't even use it

Answer

*****Update*****
My husband comes home from the gym tonight and says, "I talked to my mom. She said she'll take the mattress and dresser." I was dumbfounded. I never remembered us coming to a definitive decision to give it away. For one thing...it was never HIS to give away. My parents bought and paid for both when I was in college. Guess it's a done deal now...I honestly don't mind but it's just the premise of things....we never agreed 100 percent to give it away--we were just discussing it--and you call and ask if she wants something that was never yours to begin with?! Hmmm. Ok. 😬😳

Answer

The bed and dresser i get giving them that.  But my bed sheets, comforter i like having 3 sets so if one gets dirty or one of the kids has an accident i like backups.  And wedding gifts you don't give away i can't imagine having to tell my aunt oh yeh i don't have those plates anymore........
I'd get them a nice house warming gift and leave it at that from the way it sounds he is trying to earn his moms love especially if there past has been rocky.  This can be a bad hole to dig maybe suggest he talk to a therapist about this.

Answer

Wouldn't you be giving the old stuff away or donating it anywsy? This is his mom, I'm sure your spouse just wants to help her get on her feet and he needs your support.

Am I being selfish?

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