Random thoughts. Life after miscarraige
It's been 3 weeks since my second miscarraige. I was 7 weeks along. The pregnancy was still new, but we were all excited. I don't know how I knew that I was pregnant. I just new. I cold turkey cut out all bad carbs, sugars and caffeine. I was exercises almost daily. My house was spotless and I felt amazing. I was nauseous almost everyday, but I didn't mind it. I also developed little red dots on my boobs. I was busy reading forums, articles and pinteresting baby names, ideas and room design.
We have been trying for 7 months. I had a miscarraige a year and a half ago. I didn't know I was pregnant then until i wasn't anymore. It was difficult. But knowing and losing is so much worse. I was heartbroken. I still am heartbroken. I stopped tracking everything and this is the first time in three weeks I have even been on this app. It's hard. It's really hard. Luckily I have an amazing husband and an amazing support system. I am scared to get pregnant again. I am scared that I will never be able to carry a child full term. I have a family history of fertility problems. My mother had 6 miscarraiges and 1 still born before she had a major surgery and was able to have my brother and I. Both were complicated pregnancies. I feel like a failure. Like a failure as a mom, wife and women. I have grown lazy and haven't been able to get out of this slump. I miss being pregnant so much. I miss the feeling, the knowing that you need to take care of yourself. Not only for you, but for someone else. I miss the energy, "the glow" that I had. I sometimes daydream that maybe I was pregnant with twins or triplets and lost one, but am still pregnant. Or that maybe I'll get pregnant again so easily and soon. It makes it easier for a moment until I tell myself that, that is not the case and I need to focus on my other goals in life and a baby will come when it is ready to come. 😧
Thank you for letting me vent my random thoughts and frustrations. Any advice on how to deal with miscarraige is appreciated.