What to do?

Question

I've been with my bf for 5 yrs. I've never cared if he watched porn even though or sex life has gone down the tubes. But I've found out he goes on Webcam sites. That really pissed me off and hurt my feelings. He said he would stop but I've caught it many times lying now. I don't know what to do. I'm going to have make him chose. Me or porn. He can't have both anymore because he's destroyed my trust. But I don't know how this would work if he wants to make it work. I can't trust him. I'm so lost right now. Other then this our relationship is perfect. He isn't addicted, he's still affectionate and we cuddle and we do kind things for eachother. We have talked a lot about marriage and own a home together. But I can't deal with not trusting him about this!!!! I'm devistated and at a total loss.

Answer

I don't see a difference between webcam sites and porn. He's still not doing anything wrong. How can you prefer one over the other? He's not cheating and I'm assuming he watches different women every time so what's the issue? If porn is a deal breaker, then so be it, but I'm not sure why webcams are different. And I wouldn't leave a man because of porn.

Answer

I don't agree with either of the women that commented. I feel that webcam is more "real" if you see what I'm saying. These webcam girls can interact with their audience. It's more personal. But watching porn is just watching a prerecorded video, not for anyone in particular.

I don't know how to help you, but I understand.

Answer

I know I may be a minority in my thoughts but I feel watching porn is wrong and damaging in a relationship. How can you SO be watching other naked women whilst fantasising about have sex with them whilst pleasuring himself not be cheating? If it was a video of someone he knew, there would be no question about whether it's cheating but because he doesn't personally know them it makes it alright? The only person who he should be sexually arousing him is you. It sets unrealistic expectations and is very very addictive, which may be why your SO finds it hard to stop.

Like some of the others have said, the fact that you were okay with porn but not with webcams is mixed signals as they are both as bad as each other IN MY OPINION.

My only advise would be to explain to him how it makes you feel and how hurt you are by it, but you may have to be ready for a backlash as if you said porn is fine, many won't see the difference...

Answer

I don't understand how talking to a stranger and having Internet sex with them is NOT cheating. I understand op and wouldn't know what to do either . Also, the one thing everyone seems to not understand is that he isn't having sex with his gf. But has no problem having sex alongside other women online. The people that think porn and personal communication with live women are the same thing are probably really ignorant of what webcams really are or something.  And does it really matter what we think?! Op isn't comfortable with what her bf is doing. End of your opinion, the only thing we should be trying to help answer is what she could do with HER situation. Unfortunately I've got nothing. Talk about a rock and a hard place.

What to do?

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