In shock

I've been divorced for 4 years and we had 4 children together....the youngest is 5. I barely started dating a guy about 2 months ago...It's time for my period to roll around and I just KNOW I'm getting my period, because of the terrible period cramps....I have a couple of beers about 3 days before my period and I feel like crap. I keep waiting for my period to show up...but it doesn't. I decide to take an EPT a cpl. Days after that, and within 10 seconds I see a plus sign. I start balling and freaking out. I'm still in shock. I took the 2nd EPT 2 days later...a darker line, vertically in the plus. I had blood work done as well just to make sure...my doc calls me and says it came out positive. (That was Friday...i should've asked for those numbers, but I didn't).

I told my boyfriend....he was as shocked as I was. I thought I knew my body, but I guess I didn't. We actually didn't talk for about 2 days; we both needed time to let it sink in a bit. He has 2 kids...one an adult, the other barely a teen.

I've asked my boyfriend what he wants to do and he says it's up to me, but seems to lean more towards the abortion side. I'm so ashamed to say this, but yes, I've seriously thought about it....but s/he [I think she] is a part of me...i could never kill my baby. It's not his/her fault. He says no matter if we stay together or not...he's going to be there for the baby, if I keep him/her

Idk...I'm just still at a loss for words. I'm going to keep the baby...i haven't officially told him that yet, as I feel like it'll be better said in person when we see each other next week. My boyfriend still treats me the same...there's really no awkwardness between us. However, we haven't seen each other since finding out. He's away at work, until next week. No one knows about the news, except for one of my close friends.

I guess I'm just here for moral support and to see if anyone else had the same kind of issue as me? I was planning on going back to school this fall...but it doesn't look like it now 😯

I'm also VERY scared to tell my kids...it's going to be so hard for me. I don't know what their reactions will be, but I'm guessing not happy reactions 😢 Picture: top test is my 1st positive on the day of period...bottom test is my 2nd, 2 days after the 1st